'Quarterlifers' talk about deflated expectations

By Lisa Marshall, Camera Staff Writer
October 23, 2005

With eight years of school behind him, and a chiropractic degree on his wall, Jay Uecker expected it all at age 27.

He'd earned the title, "doctor," and assumed that respect and wealth would soon follow. But after eight months of struggling to pay his office bills and his $110,000 student loan, he felt desperate.

"It was a crash course introduction to the real world," he says.

To stay afloat financially, Uecker took a job as a live-in manager at a rowdy University Hill apartment complex. One morning, as he cleaned up after a wild party, it hit him: Life just wasn't what he'd expected.

"I said to myself 'Here is Dr. Jay, cleaning puke off the walkway,'" recalls Uecker, now 30 and a partner in a chiropractic practice in Louisville. "That whole year was about humbling myself."

Many experts would have called it Uecker's "quarterlife crisis."

Four years after author Abby Wilner coined the term in the groundbreaking book "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties," a slew of Web sites, self-help books, chat rooms, and support groups, have emerged to address the needs of a generation of young adults coming of age in a uniquely stressful time.

Facing a tough job market, high housing costs, terrorism threats, a war, and an overall distrust of corporate America, many are moving home with their parents after college and putting off careers as they try to figure out what they want out of life. Others are going the opposite way, jumping quickly into high-stress jobs to support a pricey lifestyle they became accustomed to in college, or to pay off mountains of debt. Either way, many end up feeling unfulfilled and depressed.

"The depression comes from the pressure we put upon ourselves to have it all figured out," says Jason Steinle, author of the new book, "Upload Experience: Quarterlife Solutions for Teens and Twentysomethings," (Nasoj, $19.95). "We figure 'This is my one shot, and if I don't do it right from the beginning I may be looking back in 20 years thinking I really messed up.'"

Steinle, 29, spent the past several years interviewing hundreds of quarterlifers for an Idaho Springs radio show, and stresses that the quarterlife crisis is not merely a "mid-life crisis" happening earlier: People stray from their spouses and buy the quintessential red sports car in their 50s because they have too much predictability in their lives; quarterlifers are in "crisis" because life is so unpredictable.

They've seen their parents marriages fail at ever-increasing rates, watched many entry-level jobs disappear overseas, and watched fathers who dedicated decades to a company get cheated out of their retirement in the end. So marriage and the career track are often last on their minds.

"They get the deer in the headlights syndrome," Steinle says. "We are uncertain which direction to go, so we freeze."

Statistics from university studies, Web site polls and government researchers prove his point:

Morethan 61 percent of college students say they plan to live with their parents after college.

Betweenthe ages of 18 and 34, young adults receive an average of $38,000 in support from their moms and dads.

Peoplehold an average of 8.6 jobs between the ages of 18 and 32.

Thirty-ninepercent of student borrowers leave college with unmanageable debt.

People age 18 to 25have the highest rates of alcohol dependence and illicit drug abuse.

In 2001,suicide was the third leading cause of death among those 15 to 24.

Luke, a 24-year-old Loyola College graduate who didn't want to give his last name, admits he's in the trenches of his own quarterlife crisis.

"I was expecting to experience graduation and be happy, but instead it felt like I was walking to my own funeral. I wasn't prepared for the rest of my life. I wasn't happy. And I'd just wasted over $150,000 on my education," says Luke, who recently moved back in with his parents in suburban south Denver. "Now, I'm one of thousands of people who graduated this spring who are completely indistinguishable."

Like many young adults, he's finding solace in web site chat rooms dedicated to so-called "QLCers".

"The world is infinitely more complicated than it was 10 years ago, and we are just trying to find some meaning in something," says Luke. "Knowing that there are other people struggling, that I am one of many who see the world this way helps."

Since the original "Quarterlife Crisis," book came out, its companion Web site, quarterlifecrisis.com, has grown to include more than 10,000 registered users and as many as one million hits in a given day. Its chat room is abuzz nightly with talk about how to deal with the parents after moving home post-graduation, how to negotiate office politics at that first job, or how to get that job in the first place.

"People are just looking for some reassurance that they are not the only ones who feel like losers when they are two years out of college," says Catherine Stocker, co-author of "The Quarterlifer's Companion: How to get on the right career path, control your finances, and find the support network you need to thrive." (McGraw-Hill; $16.95)

She and Wilner now tour the country offering seminars for newbie college graduates, and helping to set up support groups. They say it is critical for young adults to strike a balance, making sure not to get complacent and lose sight of their career goals, particularly while living at home, but also remembering there is more to life than work.

"When they graduate, they tend to let those extracurriculars slip away because they feel they don't have time for them. But they are so important to their sense of self," says Stocker. "It makes sense that without them they will not feel as vibrant or interesting as they were in college."

While older generations may look upon quarterlifers as whiners, or slackers with no direction, their quarterlife crisis may ultimately end up being a good thing, says Steinle.

"It will mean less of the mid-life crisis down the line. Because quarterlifers are spending more time now exploring who they are as individuals, they will be able to look back on a life well lived."

Contact Lisa Marshall at (303) 473-1357 or marshalll@dailycamera.com.